I think it was a bad idea to put this desk next to the big window that faces the street. All I have to do is lift my gaze an inch and I can watch the cars pass by, or watch the sky change, or watch all the people walking home. I’d much rather look outside than do what I sat down to do (a long list of things that help maintain the fragile appearance that I have it all under control… like paying my rent and emailing so-and-so about that thing I said I’d do).

Just now, I saw the guy from Brazil walk by. I gave him a ride a few weeks ago and he reminds me a little of James Dean. Especially today with that black leather jacket.

And just just now, I decided to buy the new Augustana album, “Can’t Love, Can’t Hurt”. Every time I listen to Augustana, I pretend I’m in California. I pretend I’m driving along the coast in San Francisco. And I pretend that I’m still a kid without responsibilities, that all loves are first loves and that I’m about to dip my toes in the Pacific for the first time.

I really need to pay my rent.

Posted June 7th, 2008 by Leora in personal |